Well, I'm sure you won't be surprised to hear that very little has been going on here in Unfriendly Town. Living in Beis NAJM is about exciting as watching alfalfa grow. Possibly even less so.
Lots of people have had babies. Of course I'm not among those people.
I quit my job.
We went from being up to the eye balls in debt to being way way over our heads ( me not working didn't exactly improve matters).
I consider leaving my marriage at least once a day.
I have 2 new best friends. Their names are Zoloft and Xanax.
So, in the midst of all this, what's the most logical thing to do? Yes, thats right START ANOTHER IVF CYCLE!!!
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Back to Reality
After a few fuzzy happy days, thinking I might actually be pregnant, everything starts to go wrong. This morning I woke up with bad cramps, went to the bathroom and found I was bleeding.
I mean really bleeding, not the mild sounding "implantation spotting" I'd been told of, but bright red, heavy bleeding that still hasn't stopped. It's not bad enough for an ER visit, and no way I'm calling the KGB clinic tonight. It's doubtful they'd get back to me anyway. I called a few times last week after they failed to call us with an update on the freezing of our 3 unused embies. I'm sure the only time they will call is to collect payment.
I almost wish it were a little heavier so we could go to ER, and then at least they could do an u/s and blood tests to give us at least some idea of whats going on. I keep doing Internet searches, but come up with nothing relevant to bleeding so much 5dpt.
Guess I'm just a freak.
I mean really bleeding, not the mild sounding "implantation spotting" I'd been told of, but bright red, heavy bleeding that still hasn't stopped. It's not bad enough for an ER visit, and no way I'm calling the KGB clinic tonight. It's doubtful they'd get back to me anyway. I called a few times last week after they failed to call us with an update on the freezing of our 3 unused embies. I'm sure the only time they will call is to collect payment.
I almost wish it were a little heavier so we could go to ER, and then at least they could do an u/s and blood tests to give us at least some idea of whats going on. I keep doing Internet searches, but come up with nothing relevant to bleeding so much 5dpt.
Guess I'm just a freak.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Only One?
Transfer was yesterday. Thank G-d, it went well. The KGB Clinic kept us waiting over an hour after the appointment time, with no news of how many had survived, or without discussing the number we would like to be transferred. Communicating with clients is not important for them.
Finally we were taken through, and after about 20 mins the Doc walks in and tells us that 4 made it, with 2 very good and 2 okish embryos. He then announced that today he would transfer the 2 good ones and could we sign on the dotted line as he's running late. Much to his surprise I refused to have 2 transferred, and asked for just one. The Doc looked at me as if I'd grown two heads. "Remind me", he said, "how many kids to you have already?". Now dear reader, I'm sitting in an IVF clinic, with a doctor who was supposed to be in charge of my case, and he asks me that? Does this man ever read notes? Or perhaps he lacks the ability to retain basic information. "None" I replied, "but if you look at my medical history you'd fully understand why twins could result in a very high risk situation."
I'm 35, very overweight, and have a condition that could lead to many complications in pregnancy. I've also worked in Early Intervention for the past 7 years, and have come across so many twins who were preemies and behind in their development. Much as I would love to have twins, medically it's just not a good idea. Still the doctor pressed on, with 2 embryos transferred I'd have a 50% chance of pregnancy, and only 35% chance with one. It was a tough decision, but transferring one felt like the best option.
The actual transfer went ok. I was yelled at because in the hour wait I had no choice but to make a bathroom visit. There is no way I could hold a full bladder for the two hours we were there.
One good thing about the 5 day transfer is that it cuts down the dreaded 2ww to 9 days. I'm scheduled for a blood test next Wednesday.
Still feels like a long, anxious wait.
Finally we were taken through, and after about 20 mins the Doc walks in and tells us that 4 made it, with 2 very good and 2 okish embryos. He then announced that today he would transfer the 2 good ones and could we sign on the dotted line as he's running late. Much to his surprise I refused to have 2 transferred, and asked for just one. The Doc looked at me as if I'd grown two heads. "Remind me", he said, "how many kids to you have already?". Now dear reader, I'm sitting in an IVF clinic, with a doctor who was supposed to be in charge of my case, and he asks me that? Does this man ever read notes? Or perhaps he lacks the ability to retain basic information. "None" I replied, "but if you look at my medical history you'd fully understand why twins could result in a very high risk situation."
I'm 35, very overweight, and have a condition that could lead to many complications in pregnancy. I've also worked in Early Intervention for the past 7 years, and have come across so many twins who were preemies and behind in their development. Much as I would love to have twins, medically it's just not a good idea. Still the doctor pressed on, with 2 embryos transferred I'd have a 50% chance of pregnancy, and only 35% chance with one. It was a tough decision, but transferring one felt like the best option.
The actual transfer went ok. I was yelled at because in the hour wait I had no choice but to make a bathroom visit. There is no way I could hold a full bladder for the two hours we were there.
One good thing about the 5 day transfer is that it cuts down the dreaded 2ww to 9 days. I'm scheduled for a blood test next Wednesday.
Still feels like a long, anxious wait.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Stressed :(
Well, 18 follicles, 11 eggs rettreived resulting in 8 embryos.
However, the KGB Clinic decided to do a 5 day blatocyst transfer without informing us of the risks to the embryos. I had no idea, but most don't make it to 5 days, and it's even possible to end up with none. They also don't freeze/ thaw as well. I sent off an email this morning, asking for an update.
Can you believe this?
Still waiting...
However, the KGB Clinic decided to do a 5 day blatocyst transfer without informing us of the risks to the embryos. I had no idea, but most don't make it to 5 days, and it's even possible to end up with none. They also don't freeze/ thaw as well. I sent off an email this morning, asking for an update.
Can you believe this?
Still waiting...
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Countdown has begun!
::Taking a deep breath::
Retrieval is tomorrow.
Transfer IYH, Tuesday.
Then comes the dreaded 2ww.
Retrieval is tomorrow.
Transfer IYH, Tuesday.
Then comes the dreaded 2ww.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Oh, no...
Well, we survived last Shabbos as rent-a-parents. I tried to stay positive, despite some rather trying episodes, and it worked out well. We got a shock just before we arrived at their house. I finally called the mother (who had communicated only by text all week) to ask the door code, and at this point she informed us that "12 high school girls will also be staying for Shabbos". Er, say that again? You forgot to tell us this? As it worked out the girls were out for both meals, and were very sweet when at home. Still, 3 kids, 12 high school girls and 3 pet birds made for a busy time.
The IVF meds didn't make things any easier. Lupron has made me bloated, tired and now it seems, has raised my blood pressure from a usual 110/70 to 134/96. I had the Doc paged today (Sunday), to check if I should still continue on the Lupron- which I have been taking for 16 days now, and I've never heard of anyone taking just Lupron at the start of their cycle for so long. The average appears to be 12 days. Of course the KGB Klinik won't tell me why I've been taking it so long. The Doc returned the page and said to keep taking the Lupron, and I should go to bed for the rest of the day.
High blood pressure can happen in pregnancy- but what do you do when the medication you are taking trying to get pregnant gives you hypertension? Moreover, do I really want to start a pregnancy already with high blood pressure? And on bedrest?? Not the most auspicious of beginnings.
I keep thinking, perhaps I should switch to IUI. I'm not sure about this, as the clinic hasn't shared the results of my husbands SA yet, apart from saying we shouldn't need ICSI when the time comes. One of the reasons I chose IVF was that the Rabbi would not allow for a SA until the actual IUI procedure was taking place. I would have to go through all the IUI treatment, with the chance it might be cancelled at the last minute due to a low sperm count. That, I decided, was too risky. I've undergone 2 years of testing a 3 different clinics, and the problems highlighted we ones to do with staying pregnant, not getting pregnant. So I came to the conclusion that maybe the issue was with my husband.
Really not sure what to do, my dear readers, apart from ponder why life is so so complex.
The IVF meds didn't make things any easier. Lupron has made me bloated, tired and now it seems, has raised my blood pressure from a usual 110/70 to 134/96. I had the Doc paged today (Sunday), to check if I should still continue on the Lupron- which I have been taking for 16 days now, and I've never heard of anyone taking just Lupron at the start of their cycle for so long. The average appears to be 12 days. Of course the KGB Klinik won't tell me why I've been taking it so long. The Doc returned the page and said to keep taking the Lupron, and I should go to bed for the rest of the day.
High blood pressure can happen in pregnancy- but what do you do when the medication you are taking trying to get pregnant gives you hypertension? Moreover, do I really want to start a pregnancy already with high blood pressure? And on bedrest?? Not the most auspicious of beginnings.
I keep thinking, perhaps I should switch to IUI. I'm not sure about this, as the clinic hasn't shared the results of my husbands SA yet, apart from saying we shouldn't need ICSI when the time comes. One of the reasons I chose IVF was that the Rabbi would not allow for a SA until the actual IUI procedure was taking place. I would have to go through all the IUI treatment, with the chance it might be cancelled at the last minute due to a low sperm count. That, I decided, was too risky. I've undergone 2 years of testing a 3 different clinics, and the problems highlighted we ones to do with staying pregnant, not getting pregnant. So I came to the conclusion that maybe the issue was with my husband.
Really not sure what to do, my dear readers, apart from ponder why life is so so complex.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Rent-A-Family
It happened when I was (an older) single, and now as a nebbech IF married couple. The phone rings- could we move in for Shabbos/ a few days/ a week to look after the children while the parents go away. We got such a call yesterday, to move in over Shabbos to babysit 3 kids (two with psychological problems). Since we've started our first IVf cycle and have enough to deal with, I said no, but was finally guilty tripped into it.
I didn't mind babysitting when I was single, it was something to do especially after all my class married and had kids. I sometimes even let myself pretend that I was married, with kids, doing the school run in a mini van (oh, the glamour!). I'd smile and dream about the future. Now its apparent that my future isn't quite like I expected, and for some reason I find being asked to babysit very insensitive ("It's easy for you to just pack up and move in for Shabbos"). Perhaps I'm oversensitive, just like the women around me who have a baby ever year and expect me to step in when they get tired, are insensitive, spoiled and immature.
I didn't mind babysitting when I was single, it was something to do especially after all my class married and had kids. I sometimes even let myself pretend that I was married, with kids, doing the school run in a mini van (oh, the glamour!). I'd smile and dream about the future. Now its apparent that my future isn't quite like I expected, and for some reason I find being asked to babysit very insensitive ("It's easy for you to just pack up and move in for Shabbos"). Perhaps I'm oversensitive, just like the women around me who have a baby ever year and expect me to step in when they get tired, are insensitive, spoiled and immature.
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