What was I thinking?

I'd actually begun to think that I might be having a baby. You know, just like all those other women I see on my block, in shul, in the store. I was going to be like any other frum woman around here. Busy with her kids, kvetching about school fees, being like a typical frummy mommy.

Yesterdays beta was low. I had only gone from 37 to 149 in a week. The ultrasound did show implantation, and the blob we saw on screen was measuring at 4 weeks 4 days, which is only one day less than it should be.

I asked the clinic to repeat the bloodwork tomorrow, but they refused. I have to wait until next wednesday for a follow up appointment.

Just how I'll get through this week, I don't know. I'm sick of waiting for results, waiting for my life to start, waiting for my husband to finally grow up and be an adult. I'm sick of waiting to be happy.