All this IF stuff changes you, your outlook, and the way you react to other women's pregnancies. You become obsessed, bitter, slightly nutty about other people getting and staying pregnant (how do they managed it?) Years of trying, numerous doctors who mutter "oh, you'll have no problem having a baby!" Countless broches from Rebbes, every sugulah possible, davening, davening, davening, HYSTERICAL TEARS whilst davening, relaxing and not really trying... well have not resulted in a child yet, and you can't help but feel aggrieved when someone announces their expecting.
Your behaviour becomes even more psycho when a friend announces a "oops pregnancy" as the lovely Soper would say. They top it off by saying they managed to conceive the first month of trying. Well, fancy that! You stop calling them because you can't get through the call without your voice breaking, you send them a few polite emails. What are you supposed to do?
Although I have no real friends here in Unfriendly Town, I have all but stopped going out. A quick trip to the store here, perhaps a shiur if the speaker is good. That's about all.
One Rabbi suggested we move apartments, so we're in the middle of doing that right now. You know 'A change in place, a change in mazel'. Let's wait and see.
Kol Tov!
About Me
- JewishMama
- Orthodox Jewish woman who's been trying to get/ stay pregnant for what feels like way too long.
2 comments:
I just wrote a comment and blogger erased it...ugh...anyhow, wanted to let you know I feel the same way, I've distanced myself from dear friends because I just can't take it. Has your MD found a cause for your IF? Don't give up on doctors - find one that you connect with and that gives you hope.
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